Friday, August 5, 2011

Divorce Is Not An Option

Cabbage and I remind ourselves regularly that we are a team, that we're soulmates, and that we love each other. 

We also remind each other, from time to time, that divorce is not an option.

Not that we're thinking of getting divorced.

But let's be real.  Marriage is not always easy, and it's rarely the white-hot, exciting, heady experience it was when we first met almost six years ago.  It is real life now, with ups and downs and disagreements. 

Both Cabbage and I come from so-called broken homes.  I don't really subscribe to that label, though.  I've known divorced homes which functioned beautifully, and many more intact families which were ridiculously broken.  My family is better apart, and it's no big deal anymore.  It's just who we are, and how we are.

Cabbage's parents divorced when he was very young, and by the time they had grandbabies, his parents had worked through their own issues and were able to have holidays together, be friends, and give their family the comfort of a cohesive unit. 

It astonished me.  I mean seriously.  Most of my family can't be in the same room/building/time zone with each other.  So I asked Cabbage's mother about how she was able to get past the divorce and its seemingly inherent animosity, and she simply said "All that was a long time ago.  It just doesn't seem to matter anymore."

I loved that woman.

Reaching our second anniversary was certainly a reason to celebrate, because we never take our marital success for granted.  Still, though, it's not as if we expected anything different.  We are each other's best friend, and you don't quit on your friends.  We've become the best part of each other, and there is nobody I'd rather spend my days with than my husband and the beautiful, fascinating child we created.

Divorce is not an option. 

Saying it that way may be crude, or sound wistful, but to us it makes sense.  We have no out, and the unspoken part of that statement is that we don't want one.  If life gets tough, we dig deeper.  If we are angry, we get over it and move on.  We are totally and completely stuck with each other...  In a good way. 

Knowing we will always be together is freeing, it's reassuring, it's comforting.  He's my constant in a changing world, and though we don't know how we may be tested, or what lies in store for us, we are both in it together.  We live the vows we took, and will continue to honor them.  

We are us. 

I love you, Cabbage.  Happy Anniversary.

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