Saturday, June 25, 2011


We live in the country.  Although Cabbage Ranch is not completely outside the boundaries of civilization, there is no such thing as delivery pizza in our neighborhood. 

We are not alone, though.  In addition to our human neighbors, we have many, many, manymanymanyMANY friends from the animal kingdom.  I love the horses in our pasture, our dogs and cat, and I can't get enough of seeing our resident deer herd evolve.  Especially our favorite, a doe named Tabor.

We have tons of wild birds, occasional rabbits, raccoons, and earlier this week even a wild turkey.  I'm cool with almost all animals and enjoy this cast of characters.  I do not, however, hold any love for the many creepy crawlies. 

Case in point: a couple of weeks ago I saw a snake crossing the road toward the edge of our property.  I got a good look from the safety of my vehicle (windows up, doors locked, foot hovering over accelerator).  I did not get a photo, because I was too busy demonstrating my flight response.  From my breathless and terrified description later, Cabbage assured me it was a copperhead.

How fabulous.

Ranch for sale.  I'm moving northward.  If I were to put this on the Moving Northward Scale, with 1 being I'm happy where I am and nothing gross is looking at me right now, and 10 being I have Wisconsin on the GPS, we're pulling out of the driveway now and you can send my bags later, this was a 9.8.

I don't belong in a place where attire includes snakeboots.  I prefer snowboots. 

We occasionally get scorpions in our house.  Naturally, I'm super brave around scorpions; I wordlessly point and squeal, or (if Cabbage isn't around and I'm forced to be the grownup) I shriek and run for the scorpion tongs, grab the evil little bugs, and kill them.  They're freaky and creepy and depending on where they are and the surprise factor, they rate between 7-8 on the MNS.

We also get these weird little earthwormy things that squiggle really fast.  I am told they are called blind snakes.  I prefer to think of them as worms.  They're tiny and, although hard to catch, they're not very creepy so they rate a 4 on the MNS. 

This is Fletcher, our cat, pondering the fate of a trespassing blind snake/worm.

Lizards live on the exterior walls of our house.  They're annoying because they dive through open doors and then require catching, but they're not creepy.  They rate a 2 on the MNS.

Thousands of Mexican Freetail bats fly around our home each night as dusk falls.  The bats are fascinating, don't bother us, and eat more than their bodyweight in bugs each night.  I like them, so the bats rate a -1 on MNS and thus help offset the relocation effects of some other vomit-worthy creatures that lurk on Cabbage Ranch in their quest to traumatize me.

Recently Cabbage insisted I come outside to see a moth.  I wasn't particularly interested in seeing a freakin' moth... but I went anyway.  I hate to admit he was right, but it was huge and stunningly vibrant. 

It rated a -1 on the MNS.  I guess I'll stay here at Cabbage Ranch...  For now.


  1. LOL!!! I can soooo relate! I am unafraid of buffalo, racoons, angry horses, battling roosters, and speeding deer. But a couple of weeks ago I almost stepped on a yellow scorpion INSIDE MY HOUSE and just about needed to be tranquilized.

    Good luck! Please don't move north yet; I just now found your blog!

  2. Green Goose, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one! Just because you asked, I won't move yet. Although... I need to post an update to the MNS. I had a 9.99 on the MNS this weekend. No joke.


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