I wrote this letter to Beep October 19, 2010, the same day this picture was taken.
I love you unreasonably. I cannot help it, or myself. When you were growing inside me, I questioned how I felt; I loved you automatically, because you were flesh of my flesh and part of the very core of my being- literally. But it was hard to know exactly whom I was loving.
I loved you specifically: I loved your kicks and turns, I loved the way you got excited at Daddy's voice, I loved the way you calmed when we read "Goodnight Moon." I loved that you always hung your feet under my right rib. But in the bigger picture, I didn't know who you were yet.
When you were born, I loved you immediately. You were the little girl I thought I carried, and seeing you seemed to pre-date all my feelings for you. When I first saw you, your big dark eyes met mine and I knew it was you. I loved you desperately.
I loved you in shock as I held you for a few seconds, and I loved you enough to let them take you, running down the hallway toward the NICU with Daddy close behind. I waited impatiently until they wheeled me over to see you. I loved you.
As we have gotten to know each other, I have come to love you totally. I love your wide smile and the way your eyes light up when you see me. I love your milky skin and peach fuzz hair. I love your little, long fingers and toes, your perfect dimpled elbows and knees. I love your smooth back and little baby behind. I love that ticklish tummy and the way you wait with wide eyes and smiley mouth for me to razz it again.
I love you completely during sleep, when you and I nest together next to Daddy. I love you when you fuss, and I confess I love the way you stop when I hold you. I love the way you sit on my left hip and wrap your legs around me tight. I love your little voice and the way you're starting to talk to us.
I am a woman in love. Automatically, immediately, totally, completely. I cannot help it, and wouldn't want to. I love you unreasonably.