Friday, March 16, 2012

Beep Mail

I wrote this letter to Beep October 19, 2010, the same day this picture was taken.
Dear Beep:
I love you unreasonably.  I cannot help it, or myself.  When you were growing inside me, I questioned how I felt; I loved you automatically, because you were flesh of my flesh and part of the very core of my being- literally.  But it was hard to know exactly whom I was loving. 
I loved you specifically: I loved your kicks and turns, I loved the way you got excited at Daddy's voice, I loved the way you calmed when we read "Goodnight Moon."  I loved that you always hung your feet under my right rib.  But in the bigger picture, I didn't know who you were yet.  
When you were born, I loved you immediately.  You were the little girl I thought I carried, and seeing you seemed to pre-date all my feelings for you.  When I first saw you, your big dark eyes met mine and I knew it was you.  I loved you desperately. 
I loved you in shock as I held you for a few seconds, and I loved you enough to let them take you, running down the hallway toward the NICU with Daddy close behind.  I waited impatiently until they wheeled me over to see you.  I loved you.
 As we have gotten to know each other, I have come to love you totally.  I love your wide smile and the way your eyes light up when you see me.  I love your milky skin and peach fuzz hair.  I love your little, long fingers and toes, your perfect dimpled elbows and knees.  I love your smooth back and little baby behind.  I love that ticklish tummy and the way you wait with wide eyes and smiley mouth for me to razz it again.  
I love you completely during sleep, when you and I nest together next to Daddy.  I love you when you fuss, and I confess I love the way you stop when I hold you.   I love the way you sit on my left hip and wrap your legs around me tight.  I love your little voice and the way you're starting to talk to us.  
I am a woman in love.  Automatically, immediately, totally, completely.  I cannot help it, and wouldn't want to.  I love you unreasonably.


  1. I pray she always remembers how much you love her.

  2. This is so raw, I feel slightly guilty reading it. It's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I feel warm & fuzzy and I don't even "know" you guys!

  3. Oh~I shouldn't read your blog before seeing patients because they'll wander..."Why is my dentist crying?" "Is it safe for her to work on me?" But that was so sweet and tender and definitely resonates with anyone who is a mother. There is no love like the love a mother has for her child. Congrats on being pregnant again!


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