Conversations Heard In Our House Tonight

So it's been a while since I posted "Things Heard in Our House Tonight,"  and those posts have obviously been missed.  At least by me.  Tonight's edition will be a sequel- a brother- a cousin, if you will- to the typical "things heard."  It will contain riveting conversations. And by riveting I mean mildly amusing to a small portion of the population (on a good day).

Me: "Tongs! Tongs! Tongs!"
[Cabbage grabbing tongs and following the line of my pointed finger]
[Cabbage picking up disgusting, invasive, ill-fated scorpion with said tongs]
[Squishing of scorpion]
Cabbage, to scorpion: "How do you like me now?  You wanna come in our house again?"
Scorpion: No response.

Me: "Baby, do you want ice cream?"
Beep: "No thank you."
Me: "Would you like a cookie?"
Beep: "No thank you."
Me, to the room in general: "I brought home the wrong baby."

Me: "I bought these new cookies tonight."
Cabbage: "Oh, good.  What kind are they?"
Me: "Keebler Coconut Dreams."  Mmmsnarfscarfmunchmunch.
Cabbage: "Let me try a bite."
[bite]
Cabbage: "Those aren't very good.  They need more testing." Mmmsnarfscarfmunchmunch.

Me: "There is a huuuuuge baby in here." [pointing at 32+ week belly squirming with baby]
Cabbage: "Noooo.  There's a cute little baby in that cute little belly."
Me: "H.U.G.E. Baby. Huge.  There's not enough room for both of us in here."
Cabbage: "It's little."
Me, motioning from chest to groin: "This?  Is ALL baby, my friend.  ALL BABY."
Cabbage: "Little."
Me: "Stretch marks.  Heartburn.  Cantbendover.  Cankles.  Not little.  Big."

Me: "Ni-night, Baby.  I love you."
Beep: "I love you, Mama."
Me, a minute later to Cabbage: "I love our baby girl so much."
Cabbage: "She's something, isn't she?"
Me: "Yeah... Maybe we should've stopped while we were ahead."
Unborn baby: [cackling with glee and rubbing tiny hands together in anticipation of havoc yet to be wreaked]