That bay on the right? The one turning his better side to the camera? That's him. Sam has been nothing but a pasture ornament for... over a year. It feels like forever. He's right to show me his backside. He's entitled to hurt feelings and treating me with an air of disdain.
I don't have time for him these days. He is meticulously cared for, of course, but he isn't ridden and I can tell he misses having a job.
It's not just that I need to manage my time differently (though I could always do a little better), it's that there's only so much time in the day. It's hard to admit I can't do everything, but... I can't. And I have had to pick and choose. He has lost, and I admit I've lost some of myself in putting him aside.
Motherhood is blessed but hard. Being a working mother is without a doubt the ultimate challenge of my life. I fill my days with work, with babies, and the few minutes left over is spent trying to conquer housework. I love my family, but it becomes a grind and I do feel depleted. So! I'm working on learning to leave the house dirty and fill up my spirit instead of a bucket of mop water.
A few times lately I lunged Sam, and I swear I started to feel the stirrings of my horsewoman's heart. It was an amazing feeling.
On Mother's Day I asked for nothing more than two hours, uninterrupted, with my horse. It took me the whole first hour to get Sam cleaned up and assemble some dirty, cobwebby tack. I lunged him, and he bucked and kicked and bolted around me in a maniacal circle. When he settled he was lathered but pliable and content, and I dared to climb on.
It was familiar, and strange, and triumphant. It was just him and me. I could do nothing more than sit in the dappled sunlight, pat his neck, and breathe. I didn't even really think at all. I just sat as a near stranger on his familiar back and silently asked him to remember me and the partnership we used to have. I communed with him and my innermost self, the one that used to ride until my legs quivered and I sweated through my jeans. The one who chased knowledge and skills by riding any horse I could, the one who loved to jump and learn new skills and work together with my horse, every day.
He was calm and happy. I was peaceful and hopeful.
When we'd had our fill of our quiet time, I hopped off and untacked. I asked for Beep to join me so I could have a helper for Sam's bath.
The guys came out to keep us company.
And my baby girl and I scrubbed our beloved horse clean, and spent some time with our friend Sam.
